Been on my mind a lot

I don't even know where to start with this one, so here goes.

Yes life gives you ups and downs, for some more ups than downs and Visa verse. At a few points in my life I have thought, wow, this is gonna be another roller coaster, hope I can handle this one! I have always gotten through alright, and always a lot stronger than I was before.

I was brought up in a christian home, went to sunday school, went to church. At 16 got a car changed churches to hang out with my friends, still went every sunday, unless I had to work.

Right after high school I got married, had a beautiful baby girl, he got out of the Air Force and we moved to PA. I survived 6 months in PA, flipped my Mazda 323 on a back country road one night coming home from work. Small town life was not for me. I needed to live near water, beach, people. We both agreed.

Now I firmly believe God does things for reasons, everyday! I moved back in with mom and dad, this time with Taylor who was almost 2. I was a full time college student, and worked full time. My mom quit her job to watch/raise her for me. When I had time I went out to The Banque, a country bar in Norfolk, VA. Now I had met Jay when Taylor was just an infant, at Taco Bell in Norfolk, when me and Jen were leaving the Banque one night years prior. Jay was in the Navy, on the USS Halyburton. We were great friends, he was like a Big brother. Now this one night Jen and I were at The Banque in walks Jay, Danny (another great friend of mine) and this HOT looking guy. I yell across to Jay and they walk over. I whisper a few things in his ear.

Now 14 years later JJ and I are still together, ;~)

I will tell you marriage is not an easy thing, there is a lot of give and take from both man and wife. Looking back on what JJ and I have endured so far and survived....WOW is all I can say. God had definitely had a hand in it from the beginning. When I met him he had just moved his ex wife back to TX, and of coarse I was "new on the dating scene". Every date I had ever been on I would mention I had a kid the guy would freak out and I would never hear back from him. When JJ stuck around and even volunteered to take Taylor on our first date, I knew he was a keeper! Now I believe I helped him get over his ex, and the drama the revolved around her, and hopefully put trust in his head that not all women cheat on their spouse.

Now fast forward to whats been on my mind.....PTSD. yes JJ has it, had it, I believe working through it with him was the best thing I could have done. BUT there still isn't enough resources for families dealing with it day to day. I have held him, when he has that blank stare and he doesn't even know that I am there. I have yelled at him when we were driving back from a family vacation in the mountains, because he refused to pass a convoy on the interstate. the entire time he was telling "his men" what to do, while I was telling him "we are in the USA, in the state of north Carolina, those aren't your men, snap out of it please".....the whole time him not hearing me, thank goodness the kids not paying attention. I really wish more could be done for him, shit for me for that matter. He is in Italy getting the best help possible, while me and the kids are in the states. I worry all the time about how he is handling the stress, if he sleeping alright stuff like that. I mean its great with how far they have come with PTSD and treatments, and how they are helping families. I just wish it would've come a little sooner and without threatening to kick JJ out and having us deal with all that stress that came with that news. nothing like living in limbo, with your husband, bread winner of the house being told "your not good enough for the navy anymore". That might lead to a lot more arguments in the house than needed.

So please spread the word, PTSD is real, it is treatable. It can affect everyone. Fireworks are pretty, but scary for someone like my husband. Think about it....Next time you are shooting a gun, or a few fireworks, think about who's around you....

God put me in JJ's life because he knew I was strong enough to help him work through anything that would come at us. I like to tell people I was built to be a military wife. Yes I have feelings, yes I hurt, but I am one tough cookie!

Til next time,

Nan

My Life, The begining

I am so surprized the response I get when I tell people that my husband is stationed overseas. I guess I shouldnt be, living in a small town like I do now. Where I was raised, and well for 1, how I was raised it was normal, Dads would come and go all the time. I was "an Air Force Brat" and proud of it! Yes my Daddy served this country and I am very proud of him for doing so. My mom raised my brother and I the best she could when Dad was gone, and I think thats one of the reasons I am the way I am today. I have a heart of gold, and a loving soul. I hold my tongue when needed, blunt and honest since the day I was born.
We didnt move very much growing up. I was born in Hampton, moved to Clovis NM when I was 2, I used to put those little black frogs in my brothers lunch box before he went to school, because he hated them ;~), but he payed me back, he caught my hand in the van door :~( at the bus stop. I wont eat squash thanks to the babysitter I had there, she took it out of the oven, I wanted to try it right then, she was on the phone and I grabbed a piece and burnt the roof of my mouth....to this day will not eat it. We had a big open field behind our house on base there, we would fly kites, I remember Marty crying a lot. (my brother) I dont remember why, maybe his kite blew away or something. I do remember White sand and holding a HUGE tranchala!!! (remember I was probally 3yrs old) then we moved back to Hampton VA.
Stayed in VA a few years then moved to Sumter SC. Now back then I was very blonde headed. went to school, came home and told momma that I wanted braids in my hair. So she put 2 pig tails in with braids. I told her no, braids all over, and barettes too! "just like all my little friends at school" my mom laughed so hard and told me she couldnt because my hair wouldnt hold them all. I think back and just laugh, and think why cant this world be that easy anymore? why do we have to deal with so much hate? Even within our own races? Its a black thing, its a white thing....really? How about its a world thing and we all just join together and make peace? oh thats right, that would make to much sense.....
Sorry, where was I....oh yeah, so we lived in Sumter for 2 years, then back to VA. so when someone askes me where are you from, I always reply Hampton VA.
Its amazing I can remember so much from my younger years, but its hard to remember what I did last week. Maybe this blog will help get memories back for me? maybe it will help me somehow? I dont know, something or someone up above is telling me to write and what to write.
Like tonight, I am tired, its almost midnight, had a blast going out bowling with a bunch of friends and their kids. I mean had a really fun filled family night! But I am worn out, about to go to bed, nope have to grab the laptop, sit in bed and type. I hope everyone is enjoying it so far. have a great night.
Nan

Many people know I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 2 years ago, a few may not have, well now you do. Its now coming up on my 2 yr "anniversary" since i was diagnosed and something inside me is telling me that I need to start writing stuff down/start a blog, about fibro or my life, or whatever comes to mind. so here goes nothing.
1st and foremost there is no cure for this horrible condition that I and so many others have, and NO my symptoms are not the same as yours, yes you are right it is all in my head. the pain receptors in my brain are misfiring, but I guarantee you if you lightly punch me, I will punch back even harder.
There are several conditions that go hand in hand with Fibro as well
Migraines, Restless leg syndrome, depression, fatigue, problems remembering things (like even how to spell words) "fibro fog", IBS, muscle spasms, weakness, sensitivity to light, or loud noises, not being able to sit still or stay in one position for long periods of time.
The list could go on and on, these are just a few of my problems that I can think of right now.
One of the hardest things for me to this day to learn is to not do everything like I used to. Yes I still keep a lived in house, but I don't let the laundry pile up on the couch like I used to. It comes out of the dryer, I try to fold it then, otherwise my body lets me know (shoulders) your doing 2-3 loads lady, repetitive motion, not a good thing.
I cant stand to be in the heat anymore, where before it didn't bother me. I live in FL.....hello, its freaking HOT here!!!! If I have anything to do outside do it in the morning, or right before dark.
Now yes I have 3 wonderful children. my 16 yr old daughter kinda understands what I have, and she helps out when she can. She has a very active life with soccer, school and a job. My 11 yr old son doesn't know what fibro is neither does my 8 yr old daughter. They all have mandatory chores in the house that get done that help me out. My husband is stationed in Italy for 1 more year, 1 year done!!! Getting my son motivated is hard to do, my youngest daughter, not a problem at all. I will go into that later on though
There are so many things I want to say, but I want this organized somehow. ugh, this is how my mind works too.....thank goodness for the meds I am on for sleep, they put my mind and legs to sleep. Its a good thing ;~)
well I guess that's it for now,